ON BECOMING

When I was very young, I recall dreaming about what I would become: I knew that there would always be books in my life – I never realised quite how many I would end up with; that I would teach was never a doubt in my mind … I valiantly tried to teach my father to speak Afrikaans; and, I imagined that I would travel all over the world.

I have never been without books in my life and keep a good store of them to read. It was not always easy to give in to my enjoyment of reading while I was working and bringing up children – and later caring for and entertaining grandchildren. It was a few years into retirement before I felt I could indulge in my love of reading at any time of the day with a clear conscience.

Teaching turned out to be the right profession for me: I am an educator at heart and delight in sharing information and insights with others. I have taught at pre-school, primary school, secondary school, university, and at the level of adult basic education. The teaching journey has been exhausting, exasperating at times, and most fulfilling. After a career of forty years though, I felt content to step back from the classroom.

Travelling the world comes at a cost I have not been able to afford. Nonetheless, I have been blessed to make brief forays into Europe, the United Kingdom, Mozambique, the Kingdom of Eswatini, Botswana, Namibia and LeSotho before starting a family. I thoroughly enjoy travelling through South Africa, where there are still so many places I have not yet been to.

As the years passed, I found myself becoming a different ‘self’ according to the changes and needs of the time: a good wife; a devoted mother and grandmother; a dedicated teacher; a fluent public speaker; an efficient organiser; and a faithful friend. Somehow, in this maelstrom of being everything to everyone else, I began to lose sight of what I had wanted to be.

Now that I no longer have either children or grandchildren at home – as sad as that is – I am gradually sloughing off those earlier demands and emerging as someone I have felt a wish to be: yes – a devoted wife; a loving and caring mother and grandmother; and a trusted friend. There is more though. I can feel a lightening of heart at the shedding of earlier responsibilities and concerns. I read; I garden; I listen to music; I cook; I knit; I take photographs; and I write.

As I continue to learn to be myself, I realise that I am becoming the real me that swirled around in the busyness of the past: I am becoming me.